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Delayed Obamacare Enrollment Syndrome

October 1, 2013 could be considered the new “Black Tuesday.” That was the day the government rolled out the Health Insurance Marketplace website. This, of course, is the website for the insurance exchanges required as part of the Obamacare law. Although the Obama administration has tried its best to put on a smiley face, there is no denying this so far has been, much like the Obama foreign policy, the Obama domestic policy, the Obama economic policy, etc., an unmitigated disaster.

As has been reported, the problems with the new website have been staggering. Let’s start with the process of just getting in, it’s nearly impossible. In fact, it’s almost as hard as trying to get a glimpse of Mount Rushmore during the government shutdown. Then, if one is lucky enough to actually create an account it gets even worse. Many were told last week by government help desk types that all passwords had been reset. I think they were supposed to change all passwords to republicansareevil. However, since it didn’t follow standard password protocol, I understand they finally settled on hesnotleaving!obama2016.

To make it even that far took hours, if not days, for most. This has created a new affliction that will not be covered under any Obamacare mandated insurance plan – Delayed Obamacare Enrollment Syndrome (DOES). Symptoms vary but can include helplessness, resentment, incoherence, disorientation and temporary loss of basic motor skills. In other words, one feels much like Joe Biden does on any given day. In essence, one comes down with a case of DOES whenever the Obamacare website DOESN’T work. This, of course, means nearly everyone, every time.

These are hardly the only problems identified so far. Many software experts say the data is about as secure as a one-run ninth inning lead for the 2013 Arizona Diamondbacks. (They blew a league-leading 29 saves this season.) In fact, one of the contractors who worked on the website is the same one that employed Edward Snowden while he did contract work for the NSA. What this means is that anyone who successfully enrolls will have the comfort of knowing that not only will the United States government have access to all of one’s sensitive data, so will the Russians.

The website cost about $463 million to develop. That seems like a lot of money for something that doesn’t work, even for the government. We don’t pay Joe Biden anywhere near that much. Suddenly his not working seems like quite the bargain. For $463 million the government could have barricaded all of Yellowstone Park, the Grand Canyon, Puerto Rico, Harry Reid’s ego and the moon’s Tranquility Base. (I hope no one from the Obama administration reads this, they don’t need any ideas – especially about that last one.) Heck, I could have built a website that didn’t work for half that much money and it’s not even my area of expertise. Nor, it seems, was it the expertise of those who actually did work on the website.

The media was ever so anxious to find somebody, anybody that had actually successfully enrolled through the Obamacare exchange website that they all converged on somebody named Chad Henderson. He had claimed in a Facebook post that he successfully enrolled himself as well as his dad. Except – no he didn’t. Much like a Jay Carney White House briefing, Mr. Henderson made it up. In truth, there have actually been a very, very few who have successfully created an account and done some price comparisons and even completed the enrollment process. After discovering how expensive “affordable” health insurance is under the Affordable Care Act, phrases such as Whoa! and Holy S#*@ have been the norm.

So, on the bright side, whatever symptoms one displays, Delayed Obamacare Enrollment Syndrome isn’t nearly as bad as actually successfully enrolling. Those symptoms may be permanent.

Curtice Mang is the author of the book, The Constitution – I’m Not Kidding and Other Tales of Liberal Folly. He can be contacted at, where one can also purchase his book; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at


1 Marcia { 10.16.13 at 7:22 pm }

Those who were unable to enroll don’t know how fortunate they are. If Black Tuesday is any indication, enrollment will only be the beginning of a long list of glitches.
The government spent $67 million in Navigator grants to help with the roll out! That’s enough to make well people sick.


2 don marotta { 10.17.13 at 7:02 am }

Whoever wrote this is not aware of his assumptions and evidently they contain the smugness of insensitive morality. Instead of suggesting how persons can enroll, there is persuasion of low level crap. This person should “rise up to poverty” as Twain suggested, and begin to feel from somewhere besides the pocketbook.


3 Marcia { 10.17.13 at 8:56 pm }

Not sure whose assumptions you are talking about? The fact is there is nothing that lowly citizens can do to enroll. Despite having three years to get ready HHS has failed to provide a website that works. It’s time to “rise up to reality.”


4 Curtice Mang { 10.18.13 at 8:54 pm }

I’d respond to Mr. Marotta’s comments if I had any idea what he said. Seems a bit like Biden-speak, a translator is needed.


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