Scientists have discovered that a protein encoded by a gene called KL-VS may boost an individual’s IQ by six points. That is really good news since we’ve been looking for a way to get a few points back that we lost while thumbing through a recent issue of People Magazine. We probably have no hope of repairing the damage caused from the fifteen minutes tuned in to Hardball on MSNBC last week. Upon hearing the news of the KL-VS gene, Joe Biden wondered if he could get it in a smoothie. Um, Joe, you’d better ask for an extra-large.
Down in the workers’ paradise of Venezuela, the government has begun rationing water and electricity. Next up: air. Those whose birthday is an even number can breathe on Monday-Wednesday-Friday. Those with an odd birthday can breathe on Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday. Nobody breathes on Sundays.
The freight train known as Common Core seems to have derailed slightly in recent weeks. Many parents already hate it. The New York teachers union believes the rollout was badly botched and has demanded major changes. In fact, the rollout in some states has been so bad it makes the Obamacare rollout look like a well-oiled machine. Now the Chicago Teachers Union has vowed to lobby until Common Core is eliminated from Illinois.
Both parents and teachers have found the curriculum so confusing and incomprehensible, it’s as if Jay Carney wrote it. Here are a couple of examples:
2 + 2 = ___
c) It feels like 5
Correct Answer: Both a and c, although if you strongly believe the correct answer is either b or d, that is okay too.
Six girls have red shirts and two girls have green shirts. If they all stay after school, what time is it in Des Moines?
Correct answer: Thursday
Clearly, the Obama administration and Common Core backers believe they must do something drastic. So, Common Core will be rebranded. It will now be called Climate Disruption!
Donald Sterling is sorry, sorry for the racist comments he made in an audio recording that was released a couple of weeks ago. You know, the one that got him banned from the league. In a recent interview, the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers told CNN’s Anderson Cooper, “I’m a good member (of the NBA) who made a mistake and I’m apologizing and I’m asking for forgiveness. Am I entitled to one mistake, am I after 35 years?”
One mistake? Granted, it was a doozy, but what about drafting Benoit Benjamin with the third pick in the 1985 draft or selecting Michael Olowokandi with the first overall pick in 1998? Sterling should also apologize to Clippers fans for over 30 years of mostly horrendous basketball.
Tim Geithner has written a new book, Stress Test: Reflections on Financial Crises. Given his, um, mixed record of calculating his own personal tax liability, we wonder if the book includes an appendix with instructions for calculating your own taxes. If so, we suspect it looks much like a Common Core math problem.
According to police, someone recently broke into the President James A. Garfield Monument in Ohio and stole some commemorative spoons. Reports indicate police found cigarette butts, a T-shirt and an empty bottle of Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey just outside the building. Just what one would expect a spoon thief to have, no doubt. No motive has been confirmed, although police may be working from the theory that the thief already had Millard Fillmore knives and Chester A. Arthur spoons and was just looking to complete the set.
From the This Is Hardly News department, the EPA is full of waste, fraud and abuse. That comes from the Office of Inspector General, the agency that has watchdog responsibility over the EPA. It seems the EPA tends to pay people not to work. In one instance, a woman was paid over $600,000 to work from home for the last five years yet she produced no work. Heck, we’d be willing produce no work over a five year period for half that. We think we just saved the taxpayers $300,000!
In another instance, an “employee” was still being paid for a couple of years after moving into a retirement home and while doing no work. My mother, age 84 and an 18-month retirement home veteran, just filled out an employment application for the EPA. Several members of her chair exercise group are considering doing the same. They’ve been brushing up on their interview skills.
Curtice Mang is the author of the two books, including the new book, The Smell of Politics: The Good, The Bad, and the Odorous. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his books; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.