New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg just can’t leave bad enough alone. Not content to ban large sodas, trans fats, baby formulas and certain pain medications in hospitals, he continues to find ever more items to add to his Banned in New York list. As readers may know, I have lampooned Mayor Bloomberg’s battle against large sodas in the past. Now it’s time once again to look and see what’s next on his hit list – and it’s a really big list.
1. Guns. Well, everyone else wants to do it, so why should the mayor not jump in? So what about the Second Amendment, this is New York City. New Yorkers are only interested in things that are Number 1.
2. Styrofoam Cups. Even at a mere 16 ounces, your soda does not belong in Styrofoam, or plastic, or glass, or…or…or.
3. Silverware. Hey, some utensils are sharp. Why, just the other day the mayor’s personal chef almost cut himself while preparing lunch for His Excellency. Okay, maybe we can keep the spoons, but the Taco Bell spork has got to go.
4. Children under the age of eleven. It seems to be working for San Francisco, where there hasn’t been a child sighting since 1989.
5. The color burnt ochre.
6. Kids’ birthday parties. Just in case he can’t ban kids altogether.
7. Birthday cake. As a compromise, he will allow a birthday bowl of hummus, although figuring out where to put the candles may be a bit of a challenge.
8. Fuzzy Dice.
9. The middle eight letters of the alphabet.
10. Lemonade stands.
11. Limeade stands.
12. Lemons and Limes.
13. All National League teams not called the New York Mets. This may be the only way the Mets could win the National League pennant, although they may first have to prove within a reasonable doubt that they are, in fact, a major league baseball team.
14. New Jersey. Okay, perhaps the mayor has a case here.
15. Donald Trump. New York City can barely handle Mayor Bloomberg’s ego. Trump will have to go someplace else, like New Jersey. (See #13 above)
16. Paper bags.
17. Plastic bags.
18. Old ladies. As defined by Mayor Bloomberg, this includes all women over the age of 37.
19. Alfredo sauce.
20. Alfredo Griffin, former major league shortstop.
21. The word Somnambulate.
22. People who can spell the word Somnambulate.
23. Private bank accounts. Except his own account, of course.
24. Mannequins. Way, way too sexist.
25. People who are opposed to other people who want to ban things.
Naturally, this is only a partial list. The full list is rapidly approaching the size of the Dodd-Frank bill. What this really emphasizes is the folly of banning things, things about which reasonable adults can make rationale choices. What initially may seem rational (not that banning large sodas is rational) soon becomes more and more restrictive, impractical and irrational. Lest we forget, as the French Revolution became ever more radicalized the Committee of Public Safety was created. This innocuously named committee’s primary responsibility under Maximilien Robespierre was to make sure the guillotines were sufficiently sharpened for use on the very French citizens it was responsible for protecting. It was not exactly the kind of protection the soon-to-be headless Frenchmen had in mind.
Curtice Mang is the author of the new book, The Constitution – I’m Not Kidding and Other Tales of Liberal Folly. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his book; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.