Today's Politicos vs The Words and Deeds of The Founders
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Reflections on the state of things – from the back yard

Sometimes the best way to get a clear picture of things is to sit in the backyard unencumbered by TV, phone or internet. As I write this, my dog, Shawn, is doing just that as she floats on a raft in my pool. Unencumbered is she! Of course, she rarely lets TV, phone or internet bother her much, except when the doorbell rings on a pizza commercial. Also, for some reason, she has a particular disdain for the lady in the Wendy’s commercials. But now she floats peacefully in the pool.

Shawn on raft

Much like Shawn, I am reflecting on where we are as a nation, what is happening in my state (Arizona), and why most men’s dress pants only come in even waste sizes. Come to think of it, Shawn is probably not thinking about any of this.

The Arizona primaries are coming up in a few weeks. Unlike many states that have already held their 2014 primaries, Arizona holds its primary elections at the end of August. Holding them any earlier in the summer would virtually guaranty that nobody votes. Most of Arizona goes to San Diego for much of the summer. Odds are that strange neighbor that you’ve been avoiding since Memorial Day is probably renting the beach house right next to you.

The Republican primary for governor is hotly contested this year. The two front runners are a guy who is currently the state treasurer and a former ice cream executive and a woman who used to be an executive at the internet domain registration company Go Daddy. She is not the woman who used to appear in the racy Go Daddy Super Bowl ads. If she was, she would be the clear favorite.

Given what is currently going on at the border (remember when we used to have one of those?), illegal immigration and border security are the main topics of the campaign. All of the candidates have a plan, but let’s remember that Arizona once tried to enforce federal immigration laws only to be sued by the federal government. The Obama administration slapped Arizona’s hands and said only the federal government can enforce immigration laws – and oh, by the way, they weren’t going to.

Upon reflection, my view of the governor’s race is this: Unless his name is either Ben or Jerry, always vote for the ice cream guy.

Shawn is now sunning herself on the first step of the pool. I think she’s expecting a Margarita.

While I tried not to, I find myself reflecting on the state of Nancy Pelosi. Oy! What a state! Last week began with Pelosi claiming that Hamas was a humanitarian organization. Of course! Hamas is humanitarian just like the Nazis were the Berlin chapter of the Anti-Defamation League. The week ended with her chasing Rep. Tom Marino (R-PA) around the House chamber wagging her finger. Apparently, Nancy Pelosi is not a humanitarian organization either.

The Democrats, though not necessarily from their backyards, seem to spend a lot of time reflecting on the Constitution. Unfortunately, their reflections usually begin and end with, “Why do we have one?”

Recently, 43 Democratic senators sponsored a constitutional amendment to limit the First Amendment. It would give Congress and state legislatures the authority to limit political speech. You know, like the political speech the Koch (pronounced filthy capitalist scum, according to Democrats) Brothers underwrite which they claim to be evil and must be restricted. Of course, it’s evil because, well, just because they aren’t George Soros. Like they need another reason?

Also, I find myself reflecting a little on why we are now importing deadly diseases to the United States. I remember the days when we used to just import cars, cheap trinkets and beer, none of which tended to be terminal.

Regretfully, reflecting on where America stands in the world is not a pleasant experience. Barack Obama, like my dog, Shawn, just isn’t really paying attention. Obama is blissfully unaware that bad things are happening around the globe. Not to mention how America’s standing in the world has diminished on his watch. To put some of it in terms Obama can understand, if they were golfing, Obama would be Vladimir Putin’s caddy.

Obama is struggling to choose sides between Israel and Hamas, you know, that humanitarian organization. Secretary of State John Kerry, I think, is offering free condiments to anyone who will pay attention to him in the Middle East. Heinz ketchup has not drawn a lot of interest so far, but he’s not giving up. He’s looking to break out the big guns, Heinz 57 soon!

Islamic extremists in Iraq insist on persecuting Christians, providing them with a choice of conversion, exile or death. Coincidently, I think that was basically the same choice the IRS gave conservative groups it was targeting. At least France’s political parties have united to offer asylum to exiled Iraqi Christians. One of my Twitter followers tweeted “Hooray for France.” As I sit in my backyard, I believe that is the first time anyone has uttered those words since the Louisiana Purchase.

Speaking of the IRS, some of Lois Lerner’s emails have miraculously appeared. Her hard drive apparently didn’t crash, it was just bent…or something. In one notorious email, she referred to conservatives as a**holes. In an interesting coincidence, conservatives feel the same way about Lois Lerner.

Shawn is now back on the raft. I have it on good authority that she feels similarly about Ms. Lerner. I think right now she is actually contemplating Lois Lerner in jail. I think she just smiled.

Curtice Mang is the author of the two books, including the new book, The Smell of Politics: The Good, The Bad, and the Odorous. He can be contacted at, where one can also purchase his books; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at


1 Marcia { 08.05.14 at 10:06 am }

Superb as usual. You just can’t make this stuff up! The Democrats are the longest running comedy of the absurd in the nation’s history. Of course with class acts like Pelosi and Reid they have an advantage. Give Shawn an extra dog biscuit.


Curtice Mang Reply:

Thanks, Marcia. With this bunch in charge, the jokes practically write themselves. And… Shawn does quite well in the biscuit department!


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