During a recent press conference, President Obama stated, “The private sector is doing fine.” Naturally, that came as quite a shock to the private sector, who said, “This is fine? The house is so underwater I have to wear a snorkel to bed. Haven’t had a raise since the last decade. Plus, have you seen this rash? If this is fine, please don’t show us what mediocre looks like.”
Of course, Obama’s real concern is for the public sector, i.e. public employee unions. And after the bath they took in the Wisconsin recall, who could blame him for worrying? If only all of the country were a public sector union. We’d all have fat pensions, lots of healthcare that somebody else paid for and lollypops – and Obama would be elected king. Fine, just fine.
Now that we know Obama’s definition of “fine,” let’s look at some other things that must be fine, too.
Eric Holder: In honor of the fortieth anniversary of the Watergate break-in, Holder asked President Obama to invoke executive privilege so he won’t have to turn over to Congress documents related to Fast and Furious that he swore never existed. He is tap dancing fast and furiously around Congressional questioning. At least Watergate didn’t kill anybody. Holder is doing fine.
Greece: Greece is either still part of the Euro Zone or it isn’t. It doesn’t really matter, Greece is still broke. The banks have no money, businesses have no money. Nobody, in fact, has any money. But they do have debt, lots of it. Soon Greece will be holding a national car wash to raise money – it will be held in Albania. They are hoping a lot of Germans show up.
My brother and sister-in-law have booked and paid for a cruise next spring that will take them to Greece, Italy and Turkey, among other places. Their travel agent has graciously offered a partial refund should one or more of these countries no longer exist next May. Greece is just fine.
Charlotte Bobcats: The Bobcats won seven games this season, losing 59. That’s a winning percentage of .106, the worst in NBA history. With a record like that you’d think they would be a shoe-in for the first pick in the upcoming draft. Not so, New Orleans gets the first pick. Charlotte will pick second. Next season the NBA will return to a normal 82-game schedule. There is optimism that the Bobcats will reach double-digit wins next year. Clearly, they are doing fine.
Solyndra: If you want fine, here is the poster child. Just don’t ask them for any solar panels right now. They seem to be misplaced at the moment. I’m sure they’ll turn up soon, probably around the same time the $500 million in taxpayer dollars show up. In the meantime, Solyndra is fine.
The Producers of Battleship – The Movie: It only cost $220 million to make, plus it had a massive advertising budget. The movie brought in a whopping $25.4 million on its opening weekend. That’s a budget deficit only the Obama administration could love. The producers of Battleship are doing fine, as are the unfortunate movie-goers who actually paid to watch it.
Joy Behar: Ms. Behar recently announced that she is joining the Current TV program lineup. Current TV viewers (both of them) are said to be ecstatic. At least on HLN the occasional traveler could watch her in the airport during a layover in Cincinnati. At Current TV she will have an hour each day to talk to herself. Ms. Behar and Current TV are doing fine.
The Senate Budget: The budget from three years ago must be fine because the Democrats haven’t bothered to produce one since. Apparently, there is something in the Constitution that requires the Senate to produce a budget each year. “Who knew?” said Harry Reid.
My family is also operating from our household budget from three years ago. So what if our son’s college tuition has increased sharply since then and a whole bunch of other numbers no longer add up either, I’m fine – President Obama tells me so.
Curtice Mang is the author of the new book, The Constitution – I’m Not Kidding and Other Tales of Liberal Folly. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his book; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.