Lucky for most of us, the recent People’s Climate March skipped most of the world and settled in Manhattan and a few other places. There the climate change groupies performed, as they normally do, a parody of themselves.
There in the crowd was Al Gore, whose carbon footprint is so big it makes Shaquille O’Neal’s size 23s look a bit like a toddler’s shoe. The only thing bigger than Gore’s carbon footprint is his wallet. If there’s a buck to be made in climate change alarmism, you can bet Gore will be holding the ticket to go first. Surely, anyone who unleashed Al Jazeera America on us deserves that privilege, right?
Also in the crowd was Leonardo DiCaprio. Many of us were certainly disappointed to learn that his yacht was powered by fossil fuel. I thought for sure it was fueled merely by pouty Leonardo glances. Those do seem to be in abundance and I figured he would have found a way to harvest those into fuel. I’m sure a raised eyebrow or a sullen look from Leonardo would be enough to power Martha’s Vineyard for most of the summer season.
Maybe if director Martin Scorsese worked with DiCaprio a little more. “C’mon, Leo, baby! Give me that pouty look one more time. We’re almost to Barbados, but we’re running on fumes!”
Apparently not in attendance was Secretary of State John Kerry. Yet Kerry managed to make news anyway by stating that climate change was just like ISIS. Apparently, by that he means that climate change is not Islamic either. Rather, climate change is non-denominational. However, I’m pretty sure that climate change has not decapitated any journalists, even in the middle of July.
In one respect, Kerry may be on to something. Like ISIS, which can’t really settle on a name, the climate crowd can’t settle on a name either. First, it was global warming, then climate change, and now it’s climate disruption. Maybe next it will be “climate stuff that really has nothing to do with DiCaprio’s yacht.” Granted, it’s a bit cumbersome, but he could sell it. C’mon, Leo, baby!
Interestingly, the People’s Climate March looked virtually indistinguishable from the Occupy Wall Street crowd, except that they left trash over a much wider swath of Manhattan. The ne’er-do-well extreme leftists of the Occupy crowd at least limited their trash – and their bodily functions – to the Zucatti Park area. (New York City 2012 tourism slogan: Zucatti Park – You’re defecation destination!) Whereas the ne’er-do-wells of climate crowd managed to leave their latte cups over the entire march rout.
It’s okay, though, New Yorkers are used to a lot of garbage. Have you seen the Knicks roster the last couple of seasons?
There was the usual band of misfits, the jugglers, the unicyclists, and bad sign makers. I was certainly entertained by the young blonde woman with a lovely smile holding a sign that stated she was marching for “Full Communism.” Presumably, it slipped her mind that smiling, i.e. an expression of joy or elation, is not an acceptable emotion under communism. Further, if “Full Communism” were to be enacted next week, she would be attending her final march for anything.
It’s good to see a crowd so invested in the environmentalist cause – while carrying iPads and iPhones and wearing $180 pairs of Oakleys and Beats headphones. Perhaps, the crowd should have been marching to stamp out irony. That would have been pretty hard, I guess, as that seemed to be in no short supply.
Prior to the march, a left-leaning internet site asked a number of, ahem, “leading” climate scientists if they would be attending the People’s Climate March. Some responses:
“Yes. I live there anyway. I’ll be marching all the way to my favorite breakfast hangout.”
“No, but I advised on a satellite march in Kingman, Arizona. A crowd of five is expected.”
“No. I’ll be attending a conference with my legal team deciding who to sue next. For some reason, some people don’t realize how important I am. I sue people like that.”
“Can’t make it. I’ll be waxing my cat. But I’m thrilled it’s going on. My cat wishes I was attending.”
“No. I made an explicit decision not to leave my house until the temperature is 78 degrees everywhere in the world.”
Fortunately, also in attendance at the march was Robert Kennedy, Jr., who recently expressed disappointment that those who disagreed with him on climate change could not be jailed. I wonder if he ran into the young “Full Communism” blonde from an earlier paragraph as they seemed to be on the same page ideologically. Given the Kennedy family propensity for young blondes, I’d say it was a certainty.
Curtice Mang is the author of the two books, including the new book, The Smell of Politics: The Good, The Bad, and the Odorous. He can be contacted at www.mangwrites.com, where one can also purchase his books; or contact Curtice at mangwrites at cox.net.